A Callow Mother..

 
A child gives birth to a mother 

And a mother was born 

She was amateur and callow 

Her life seemed a bit hollow

Vulnerable to the dreaded postpartum 

Luck turned her into a spartan 

Fear of being clumsy and confused 

She perpetually felt abused

She didn’t know what to do 

With this bundle she just delivered

Who seems so selfish crying and howling 

Even as she quietly quivered 

Found no love for this being and no bond

She only waited  for a magic wand 

So she took each day as it came

Alone battling this game

And with no help around 

Dopamine was nowhere to be found 

Days turned into weeks 

And weeks into months

She hit a all time low

But had no time to slow

It dawned on her , one fine day

Its not easy being a mom

Dripping and smelling of lactose

And no time to comb

She walked around like a milking cow

In her XXL maternity gown

Then a transformation came slowly 

When postpartum said goodbye

She learnt to make time for herself

Made herself some pie

She got better as the days passed 

By stealing time in between

To make herself a cup of Chai

I Hope that’s not called mean

Learning new things each day

She was now on her own

This bundle became her prized possession 

Oh this soul she had known 

 His angelic smile, his babbling and his cheer

Melted her like a candle  

She was now on top gear 

A day came when she patiently watched him in sleep

The bond grew deeper and stronger 

But why did she weep ?

Guess her feelings were now truly deep

A mother was born with feelings so pure 

Now she is not just a mother

But a nurturer to cure

She longed to hold him and cuddle 

As he learnt new things each day

Adding feathers to his cap

He will be a big boy one day!

Now she is a pro and an experienced mom

Before she knew it, the second one came along

She’s truly out numbered 

As now they are three! !

Not a moment for her

Will she Ever be free?!?

Her eldest being a quadragenarian 

This one’s a tough nut 

But he loves her deeply

There are no ifs and buts

Three men in her life now

Keeping her on her toes

Can’t imagine her life without them 

Like a Phoenix , she rose !

I have to leave this unfinished here ..

And come back some other day

To tell you more stories

Of her nights and her days…! 

Vivid

Vivid
Some dreams are vivid, takes me somewhere I don’t know. But, I know this place. Have I seen it before? Some faces some places look familiar to me..some dreams bring back a memory and some go poof ..never to be seen. Some dreams are like fireflies they look alluring for sometime and disappear into vastness. Sometimes you want them to reoccur so you good fix the broken puzzles and draw some meaning out of them.

I have vivid memories of my childhood and school. Some are close to my heart and some still aches my soul. Sometimes the breeze brings with it a vivid fragrance that I know. I seem to be pulled towards it and it brings with it memories of a person I had known.

“A strong emotion, especially if experienced for the first time, leaves a vivid memory of the scene where it occurred”  Algernon Blackwood

I tasted some garden cress seeds a couple of years back and when I chewed on it , I experienced the flavour of something that I had tasted a long long time back. Was it the flavour of a leave that I chewed on as I played Kho Kho with my friends, or was it the taste of a blade of grass that I chewed on as I lay down in the park with my friends.. I haven’t been able to trace the taste of this seed or found the memory that still holds in me. The taste is vivid and it transports me to another place in time .. and so I often like to visit this taste at times…

“Live in moments that consume your heart and mind, but be distracted by the music from the leaves, birds, wind, rain, sun and people”
― Val Uchendu

“The days of the monsoon and the dark clouded sky, brings back vivid memories of my school days I wish I could buy.”

One rainy morning it got dark due to the overcast sky . We were in our classes and it was getting pitch dark. The teacher switched on the lights in the class and I saw the classroom in a new light today. The whole class looked so wonderful and different that day. But I could never focus on studying that day. What took my attention was the cool breeze and smell of the earth. The dewy petrichor pulled me and all I wanted to do was to look at the swaying Eucalyptus trees outside my class window, the wet road the grey skies and the thunder. And on a rainy day like this when my kids are off to school and I sip my cup of tea looking out to the grey pouring sky, I wonder if they feel the day as I did .. Oh ! such vivid memories …they always fills me up with cheer ..I hope my children also make some vivid memories as they grow..

 

Our very first time..

Our First time…

Initially, I was scared as my heart raced faster than the speed of light…Oh! I was confused. I didn’t know if I was ready for this just yet !  An adrenaline rush to hold you and turn you on was stronger in me today . I needed to do this now or never , you had driven me to this level of madness.

I wasn’t in a position to judge my own decisions today. But what if the world judges me ? Were we really ready for this ?  Isn’t it too early ; you and me alone for the first time. I hope we don’t hurt each other. What if I was too slow or came across too fast.

I wasn’t sure if I knew everything about this. No ,I wasn’t sure , if this was the right thing to do. This was my first time, but I so much wanted this . My mind was chanting continuously “Go for it – lets just do it baby”!! 

AND SO WE DID ! Our Very first time….

The light breeze had a calming effect on my face which was still warm and red from the apprehension and nervousness inside. We will be good at this, I knew it and this didn’t look to me as a bad decision at all .

This decision— to drive out with you today ! As we went past my society exit gate, I saw the security guard giving me a send off salute, I faked a smile hoping he didn’t read my nervous vibes . I firmly gripped you a bit more closer with both my hands, my foot closer to the brakes now. I wanted to feel in control. Wanted to come back in one piece to prove to that security guard that see ‘Madam can drive and she is back’!!

I heard my heart pound a million beats as I sat upright holding your steering closer than I usually do.I was a tad more careful today ,eying the road like an eagle to make sure I ran over no one. I also wanted to make sure nothing goes wrong on our first date-ride together. It was a day to prove myself. My confidence was at stake.The world was watching or so it seemed that day as we drove along the lanes of Bengaluru.It was the summer of  2006 ! Just you and me together !!! Oh, how much I loved you. It was Our First Time out alone …

Just a couple of meters away from home, the fear- the inhibitions left me, well almost !😉

I was more in control of both myself and you now. I was happy we did this. No regrets at all. My confidence rocked ! The sunglasses over my head which were securing my tresses from flying now came down to the place where they belong. My chin went up , abs tucked it and a sat up tall and straight. Today I felt like the most beautiful girl on the roads of Bengaluru !  As the mobile buzzed a few times getting me back to the reality of being a wife to someone !! I could see my husband called me 3 times during my adventure day out .He must have been hell worried, he had asked me not to venture alone and to wait till he comes back from work. He promised he will take me out and let me drive over the weekend…but I insisted that I was ready and could not procrastinate this any longer. I just had to do this someday and that someday was Today.

Smiling and beaming with my new found confidence and wings, I was happy and much relaxed. Dhano too, seemed calmer now.I could sense that as the drive was less jerky now. Dhano is what I fondly called my first car.

Over the years ,It is this beauty who taught me how to drive – who taught me to be fearless but cautious on the road- who taught me to wear my attitude when I drive and never let any moron take advantage of me on the road ! She taught me Never to give way to a honker who tried challenging my inner peace. My car taught me how to be a Queen on the road, Oh yes, that’s just I feel. It has taught me to be patient and roar ahead yet always be in control.

Driving her has been a pleasurable and evolving experience and in all these years she has been my best friend who made me evolve and build up my confidence. She made me Independent !

So, Thank you!  Thank you that we have always gelled so well and we have taken care not to hurt each other Eva!   Never rubbed each other the wrong way – no scratch no dents in these 10 years of driving with you !!😍

Some memories always bring back a smile ! 😌