Mom, You seriously need to change !

Mom’s Life !

 

I have two boys. The elder one is almost touching 14 and the younger one is rolling towards being an 8. Of course motherhood has changed me completely and it has been an overwhelming experience till now . I have been a hands-on mom from the day they were born.With no help around, I juggled my postpartum, diaper saga, baby food, vomits their massages & baths and every milestone alone. I believe that I have evolved and grown beautifully as a Mom and as human being more so after becoming a Mother.

All was well and I thought I was doing pretty well as a mom as I continued to nurture them in my own sweet ways, till about recently when my teenaged son threw a few bombs at me. This happened – one fine day while I was serving him lunch, he asked me nonchalantly  “Why can’t you be and behave like the other moms ?” Me under the shock of his statement had no clue what he meant, as till now I felt I was good at my craft and was doing well, but suddenly I felt like a failure !

So I sat down next to him focusing not to lose my cool and asked him to elaborate so I could decipher the hidden meaning of his statement. He rattled off like a road runner as if he has been waiting to ask / tell me all this.

He started by saying “I don’t thing other moms behave or do stuff like you do mom” ! and I was like Okaaaay ! NO ? Really ? LIKE WHAT ?? And then came out a long list of the things which me as a mom should not be doing at all.

 Not -to -do -list as per my elder son ! 

Why can’t you stop giving us these weird lovey dovey names which make no sense and just call us with our real names instead?

Why do you also need to have fun with the bubble wrap that we lay hands on ?

Why do you keep dancing around the house with your iPod and don’t care about what if someone is watching you?

Why do you steal our chocolates and candies ?

Why do you pounce on us in bed and cuddle and tickle us whenever you fancy?

Why do you sing for us loudly using all those weird names ?

Why do you have to be so friendly with my friends when you meet them? That’s why I don’t get my friends home often.

Why do you call my name and wave good bye and throw flying kisses as I board the school bus?

Why do you come to the bus stop at all? I am big boy and don’t need an escort.

Why do u keep putting ghee in my Rajma-Chawal,Dal-Chawal ? Though it tastes yummy but I don’t want to turn fat like you ! Ouch ..

Why do u make funny faces and make me laugh while my tuition class is on?

Why do you keep checking my phone?

Why do you pretend you know nothing and ask me help you to download something for you when I know you know it all ?

Why can’t you be serious like other moms?

Why are you fat and short and not slim like the other Moms around. I am embarrassed to get my friends home.  Double Ouch! That did hurt.

Hmm time to ponder . My boy wants me to change me and my ways of showing love. I gave him a tight hug and said that I am going to seriously think on these points . Contended he went back to his room and left me reeling under the thunderous effect of his TED Talk ! He doesn’t like me doing all this ? Really ? I am fat ? so fat that  he is now embarrassed ? ?

And So, it was time for some real thinking and a glass of chilled wine .

The wine did good to my serotonin and I understood his point of view. He was growing and having his own tussle of being called my baby and a young boy now… Of course he doesn’t appreciate my PDA  (Public Display of Affection) anymore ..He doesn’t like me pulling his cheeks anymore .. How I wish I could tell him to soak in this love of mine for a little more time before he leaves my abode in pursuit of higher education and knowledge to far away lands.. Sigh ! We never know what destiny holds for us. So why don’t we stop rushing and slow down and live each day to its fullest today. Any which ways one day he will have to move away from me for the sake of learning or earning. Wish I could change/edit the list on his mind and excuse myself.

So do you think I should abide by all his rules and surrender and change my ways …?

Nah ! I don’t think so.. So I sat down to explain a few things to him. The name tags given to you originate from the deepest love and affection I have for you..Your chocolate that I share is because i want to prepare you to pay Income Tax in the future. The extra ghee in your food is so that you grow healthy and strong. I check your phone as I need to know what are you upto. I make funny faces to cheer you up during your tiring and sometimes boring tuition classes and it sure does bring a smile to your face. I wish to make your friends feel at home and so the little chat with them is important at times.The goodbyes will keep happening till you make it a point to say a polite bye on your own as you board the bus. So basically things are going to be stay pretty much the same but one thing that is going to change in that list is your concern on the way your mom looks. Though I know what a lazy procrastinator I can be when it comes to working out but I understood your outlook on this and I promise to be a fitter-slimmer mom for you so that you don’t feel embarrassed any more.

But till that time let’s make more wonderful memories for you. Let me keep sharing more stories with you about my childhood and growing up years and my amazing episodes of success & failure and tales of my childhood masti and legend adventures. These things which I do is to only make you smile and I hope you will fondly remember all my silly tactics that made you smile as you were growing up. Please remember how cool and chilled out your mom was . My only endeavour now is to be a friend to you that just being a mom so you could confide in me anytime.

I think he understood that cause that night as I was tucking him in bed with his favourite comforter he asked me to sit beside him and share one more incident from my childhood and he also did let me stroke his hair that night. And as I watched him slip into a sweet slumber I smiled at his innocence and love for me . And tomorrow it’s time to keep up the promise and hit the gym with a vengeance.

 

A Callow Mother..

 
A child gives birth to a mother 

And a mother was born 

She was amateur and callow 

Her life seemed a bit hollow

Vulnerable to the dreaded postpartum 

Luck turned her into a spartan 

Fear of being clumsy and confused 

She perpetually felt abused

She didn’t know what to do 

With this bundle she just delivered

Who seems so selfish crying and howling 

Even as she quietly quivered 

Found no love for this being and no bond

She only waited  for a magic wand 

So she took each day as it came

Alone battling this game

And with no help around 

Dopamine was nowhere to be found 

Days turned into weeks 

And weeks into months

She hit a all time low

But had no time to slow

It dawned on her , one fine day

Its not easy being a mom

Dripping and smelling of lactose

And no time to comb

She walked around like a milking cow

In her XXL maternity gown

Then a transformation came slowly 

When postpartum said goodbye

She learnt to make time for herself

Made herself some pie

She got better as the days passed 

By stealing time in between

To make herself a cup of Chai

I Hope that’s not called mean

Learning new things each day

She was now on her own

This bundle became her prized possession 

Oh this soul she had known 

 His angelic smile, his babbling and his cheer

Melted her like a candle  

She was now on top gear 

A day came when she patiently watched him in sleep

The bond grew deeper and stronger 

But why did she weep ?

Guess her feelings were now truly deep

A mother was born with feelings so pure 

Now she is not just a mother

But a nurturer to cure

She longed to hold him and cuddle 

As he learnt new things each day

Adding feathers to his cap

He will be a big boy one day!

Now she is a pro and an experienced mom

Before she knew it, the second one came along

She’s truly out numbered 

As now they are three! !

Not a moment for her

Will she Ever be free?!?

Her eldest being a quadragenarian 

This one’s a tough nut 

But he loves her deeply

There are no ifs and buts

Three men in her life now

Keeping her on her toes

Can’t imagine her life without them 

Like a Phoenix , she rose !

I have to leave this unfinished here ..

And come back some other day

To tell you more stories

Of her nights and her days…! 

Vivid

Vivid
Some dreams are vivid, takes me somewhere I don’t know. But, I know this place. Have I seen it before? Some faces some places look familiar to me..some dreams bring back a memory and some go poof ..never to be seen. Some dreams are like fireflies they look alluring for sometime and disappear into vastness. Sometimes you want them to reoccur so you good fix the broken puzzles and draw some meaning out of them.

I have vivid memories of my childhood and school. Some are close to my heart and some still aches my soul. Sometimes the breeze brings with it a vivid fragrance that I know. I seem to be pulled towards it and it brings with it memories of a person I had known.

“A strong emotion, especially if experienced for the first time, leaves a vivid memory of the scene where it occurred”  Algernon Blackwood

I tasted some garden cress seeds a couple of years back and when I chewed on it , I experienced the flavour of something that I had tasted a long long time back. Was it the flavour of a leave that I chewed on as I played Kho Kho with my friends, or was it the taste of a blade of grass that I chewed on as I lay down in the park with my friends.. I haven’t been able to trace the taste of this seed or found the memory that still holds in me. The taste is vivid and it transports me to another place in time .. and so I often like to visit this taste at times…

“Live in moments that consume your heart and mind, but be distracted by the music from the leaves, birds, wind, rain, sun and people”
― Val Uchendu

“The days of the monsoon and the dark clouded sky, brings back vivid memories of my school days I wish I could buy.”

One rainy morning it got dark due to the overcast sky . We were in our classes and it was getting pitch dark. The teacher switched on the lights in the class and I saw the classroom in a new light today. The whole class looked so wonderful and different that day. But I could never focus on studying that day. What took my attention was the cool breeze and smell of the earth. The dewy petrichor pulled me and all I wanted to do was to look at the swaying Eucalyptus trees outside my class window, the wet road the grey skies and the thunder. And on a rainy day like this when my kids are off to school and I sip my cup of tea looking out to the grey pouring sky, I wonder if they feel the day as I did .. Oh ! such vivid memories …they always fills me up with cheer ..I hope my children also make some vivid memories as they grow..

 

Who am I ..

Who am I ..

I am still looking for that answer

My humble Soliloquy attempts

Seems so blank.

I belong everywhere yet I don’t owe a thing.

Came to life 40 years back.

Have behind me a lot of memories

Some are good – some not so bad.

Lots of learnings more baggage.

I want to drop each bag now, that I carry

Don’t like the way it weighs on me.

I love myself and my life

So polishing my every piece

I am sociable , yet a loner.

Faithful , yet detached.

Seeking for something

I don’t know what

Search is on before my soul is despatched.

My life seems ticking away

And I take my time with things

Like to observe the world around

Take deep breaths when nothing is found.

Sometimes I go into a shell and

Sometimes throw my weight around.

I sense the vibes whether good or bad

Read minds too, now don’t be mad !

I wish I had known less

But yet I feel I know nothing at all

I trip over my insecurities

And I do fall.

But since my core is strong

I get back up again

To find myself each day

and to write a new song !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My School and Christmas

I went to a Convent school in Delhi and my school had a Catholic Church within the campus. As I recollect, everything about my school was welcoming & grand..The school assembly was an everyday affair as we dragged through our daily rituals of the morning prayers like Oh Father in Heaven and other sing along hymns and rhymes.The assembly invariably ended with a ‘thought for the day’ by our beloved Reverent Sisters a.k.a Nuns.

I remember, one of my favourite subjects in school was Moral Science. Firstly, because there was not much of written CW or HW given. Secondly because it spoke about the good positive virtues one ought to have in ones life. And Lastly, it was taught by one of my favourite Sisters. Sister Maria. She taught us how we should grow up to be a : Kind , Caring , Humble , Giving , Forgiving human being.. And to all these adjectives that I stumbled upon in this class, I vowed to myself that they will be a part of me as I grow up. I wanted to posses all those virtues and become a Good-Nun one day ! . Hee Haw ! Yes, I was so much in awe of my Nuns and their charisma that I dreamt of become a Nun and run a Church or a convent one day. Don’t know why , but I felt I was born to be a Nun. Period . My career was decided ! So I never missed my Moral science lessons while secretly wondering and wishing for a peek what lies underneath the white coif our nuns wore ! Always wondering if they had long hair or short hair or any hair at all !

Apparently ,my best Friend in school was a Catholic Christian and she used to attend those Catholic class while the other non catholics like me attended the Moral science class.. and even though I loved my moral science classes but still the budding nun in me was curious to know what happens in a Catholic-class and why they were more privileged  to be taken to the church more often than us!  I even started to think if being a Catholic was a sure shot way to become a Nun! I was so in love with the last surname that Christians had like Martin ,Thomas ,Lewis, Carlos as they seem to be so trendy and happening that I even picked on a few to choose from just in case my father agrees. So gathering all my courage, I shared my thoughts of changing my religion and my ambition to become a nun with my father one day. He smiled, but didn’t give me a yes or a no. My heart sank and so did my dream & career; or so I thought . The following week my father called me and gave me a framed picture of Jesus. Does that meant we are all converting ?? I was thrilled, I asked mom if she would allow me to place my frame in her little temple space that she had created in her room. Her shelf had all the Gods she believed in from Krishna, Durga, Ganpati , Gurunanak and now the God I had faith in ; adorned her shelf too. I even taught my mom the Sign of the cross and we prayed often together. As years passed by my desire to be a nun and convert my religion slowly left me. Now when I look back to it all seems so silly . So what if I couldn’t become a Nun…I am glad I could become a Super-Mum !

That was the impact of my school on me. Whilst my school made me understand the special place of my family in my life, it also taught me to embrace the good values & morals each culture-religion had to offer. And of course ,the best month in school was December as Christmas was celebrated with much fanfare and grandeur, with skits and dances, tuck shops and a trip to the Old Age Home..Each class had a small Xmas tree fully loaded with bells, balls ,stars et al.. Our very own Princy (Respected Principal) announced a prize for The Best decorated class for Christmas each year. This festival brought with it the charm of Giving and Sharing.

No wonder this festival holds a special place in my heart . The essence & The spirit of Christmas is something I have grown up with.The singing of the Carols and the sound of the bells from the churches still give me goosebumps.Though, I am not a Christian, but It’s my festival too and I feel the onus is on me to let my children feel & experience the spirit this festival has to offer.So every year we put up an Xmas tree 🌲 Decorate it with all the enthu .. Buy presents for each other and pretend Santa still exists .. Share stories and sing carols ..Watch the trending Christmas movies and gorge on the Rum & Plum cakes from our favourite gâteau shops, accompanied by a cup of hot chocolate for the kids while we wine it up !

So, lets cheers to the Spirit of Christmas and pass on the magic of this festival to our kids and to the kids at the signals who sell those red Santa caps and reindeer horns oblivious to the significance or the stories behind it. We have been Santa for our kids on every Christmas, so why not be the Santa to at least one poor child each year.

As another year comes to an end, Let’s be Loving-Giving-Forgiving, and keep spreading the cheer among our little angels, so that they continue to make good & beautiful memories in this beautiful world along the way…

Hope you have a Wonderful Insightful and Peaceful year ahead!

This Faux Pas of getting wet..

I So believe in crying. I can cry at the drop of a hat. Crying is like breathing for me. I always carry a handkerchief and a couple of tissues with me in my bag to the PTM’s ( I tend to cry at the accolades, praises or even the criticism showered by the teachers for my kids) . At the movies – my eyes go wet with patriotism for our National anthem to begin with and then to all tender,mushy,emotional moments while my quaint husband squirms looking at me as I blow my nose out. At my kids annual concerts – why ? Of course their performance on stage obviously makes my heart swell and my eyes well up ! 😭 At discourses / lectures about life – its overwhelming, the thoughts that whizz through my mind and the realisation that Oh! I am almost on my way to spirituality and wisdom. So much so for the enlightenment ! So in short any thing that touches my heart makes me cry. Crying is extremely cathartic.

Sometime back , I read somewhere — ‘Tears of happiness drop from your right eye and the tears of hurt flow from your left eye.’ Don’t know if thats true , but one thing is certain – Crying has healed me, my heart , my soul. 

So, am I weak, as I openly declare  that I do cry ? No!!  I cry to stay strong . I cry when I am unable to contain the burden of stress, worry or hurt , also because that is the need of the hour as crying makes me less angry ,less anxious,I can cry because I have a strong heart.No  I ain’t weak !

Crying has made me make peace with reality .. as confronting my feelings has always helped me move forward in life . I mean c’mon ,what’s the point in trying to be strong when you are crumbling on the inside ? If you are broken and hurt – just bleed – let it flow. Keeping it inside whether its the hurt or the tears will weaken you more than you know it.

Crying purges negative energy and allows for new, positive energy to fill us up. Even though I prefer to sometimes put up a brave front and try to let the taps on only  in my solitude moments but having said that ,I firmly believe that crying makes me reflect and introspect, have a dialogue with my own self and fix things in my head. It declutters me.

Some crying facts to ponder :-

  • There is a reasons for women crying more often than men. Women have 60% more prolactin in their bodies than men. Prolactin is a protein that affects the endocrine system, which may cause women to cry more often than men.Well then crying doesn’t make you the weaker sex – it certainly makes you much more stronger. See how we women bounce back at life and tough situation after a loud bad cry in the shower !! Oh that Shower cry is good ! You come out looking more beautiful.Really .
  • Your tears are of 3  basic types

Basal tears – which clean and lubricate your eyes.

Reflex tears – which drain when your eyes are irritated by things like onions, smoke..

Emotional tears – And this one needs no explanation !

  • According to William Frey II, a biochemist and director of the Psychiatry Research Laboratories – “It’s important that we evolved this ability to cry, if you can alleviate stress by crying , you can prevent stress damage to the heart and brain, and improve long-term survival. You See that !
  • Resolve the unresolved issues with someone with your meltdown – It is this moment when one person bursts into tears that the flow of the conversation shifts toward a more serious discussion. You crying means ‘its time to talk’ for someone and it brings along a shift in the attitude of the one who cares. Crying shows that something very important is bothering you down. Tough and rough egos makes way for a smooth communication. So,Please don’t hold back those tears, just let them roll. Let the negativity and hurt flow out. You will feel lighter – Calmer. Crying is humbling, it makes you look inward.It makes you know your true self.

And now for the Men out there – Didn’t you cry as a child ? Do you feel that this state of vulnerability would makes you look fragile ? Or , Do you feel,crying is for women alone ? The most loved President of United States – Obama has made crying look good. He has wept numerous time during his speeches quite effortlessly.

All the men out there need to learn how to let go and cry from Obama!!

Believe me when depression strikes and the going gets tough – a good cry really helps. Crying with someone or alone is better than no crying at all. Keep your male ego aside, save yourself a heart attack and let the tension stress pass out through those salty tears. No one will judge you ..

Very often, our kids whine and cry when hurt but sometimes it could only be to gain your attention. Don’t just run up to them , if the issue isn’t big and doesn’t calls for your attention just let them be. Don’t wipe away their tears , give them some time alone of course while still being around.Let your child take control of his / her emotions & tears once in a while . Tears are healers. Let them learn to self console themselves at times. Remember, you’ll be not around forever. Crying will help them reflect and self correction. It’s OK to cry sometimes. For both children and grown-ups, crying can be a healthy way to deal with a significant loss, pain or sadness. When your child expresses these feelings to you, try to listen, comfort and reassure him that his feelings are OK.

And As for me,when I pour out and cry like a child, it resets my emotional meter. I feel Alive. I feel more in control . I feel braver. So, I am not afraid of looking weak because it takes only a strong person to cry. Crying grounds me.

This faux pas of getting wet is what I am not ashamed of  !! 😉 😂